players gonna play

I have a task manager on my phone where I type in things I want to do and every week I have a fresh notebook page where I write down the things I want to do (different parts of the page for different things) and I also have alarms to remind me to do things I want to do. Like there's work and there's performance stuff and there's just looking after my own well being, like "do a load of laundry" or whatever. Despite all this I often find I don't get as much done as I would like. And yet I do things, I wouldn't say I just sit around looking at the walls, although that is also something that I like doing very much. I am often very tired and I thought for a minute before I started traveling in December that it was because I was doing too much, specifically working too much, and I thought that when I was away from work I would finally get some sleep, and then while I was traveling I sometimes thought that I was tired because I was seeing and doing so many rare and unusual things but that when I got home again I would finally get some sleep and now I am home and I'm not really sleeping. I gave myself a week before returning to work so that I could do things like organize the paperwork that came in December for my taxes and get a haircut and check in with some friends without worrying about the inevitable hangover of such reunions and its effect on my productivity. I've been home a week and one of me says that I'm doing pretty well for just one week in (I am, for example, unpacked, which often takes me a month) but the other of me is a little disappointed that at my age I have learned so many tricks for doing things well and I don't do them. Today I read about knitting a sock for a sense of accomplishment and I really thought "Shit, do I have to take up knitting on top of everything else?" but then I mopped the bathroom floor and I guess that counts for something. I would like to be able to give myself credit for doing things, finishing things, and even doing some things well, even though I also want to hold myself to a reasonably high standard and keep striving though maybe not striving so hard that the striving itself exhausts me. Dude, I don't know. I'm going to practice ukulele for a while. It's the weekend, after all.