I was remembering the story of how my older sister died, her dark curls, wide smooth forehead, how she played with such seriousness that even on the swings you noticed her look of concentration, and one day she was there and then she was gone, and her dog, too, a black-and-white mutt so loyal, and I found her bones years later under the rose bushes and when I touched them I heard her voice telling me that she knows the truth that only the dead know. When I woke up it was 2 a.m. and I did not want to go back to sleep because it seemed like there was a message I needed to understand and I was afraid to forget but sleep won and already the dream is fading; tomorrow this will be all I remember.
For clarity, I have never had an older sister, nor a dog, nor rose bushes.
I've been hit by three cars in the 18 years I've lived here. Each time I have been in a crosswalk; each time I have been more than halfway across the street; each time the car has been turning across or into traffic and has not seen me because they were looking for other cars rather than pedestrians. Each time it has been less something I could have prevented. The people who think this is my fault or who blame the drivers divide pretty interestingly along who has seen somebody die and who has not.
Unrelatedly, I did something to the ligaments of my foot and couldn't walk for a couple days but that seems to be getting better. Aging, man. I was prepared for wrinkles, gray hair, and gradual invisibility. I was not prepared for the increasing creakiness, the ache of morning, the sudden inexplicable betrayals. It occurs to me that right as I become invisible enough to rob a bank I will be unable to do so because my knees won't be up to it.
What else? The guest room is done. By done I mean clean and with a bed and dresser. It is a small room, spartan but friendly. The walls are green and I will not stop thinking it is funny that I have a green room. It's the room where people go to get themselves ready before they come on the Anne Show, where I will ask about their recent projects and we'll be quite witty together on my comfy couch. You should come; I have some cards prepared with questions just for you.