dear people with children (or with opinions about children)

How do you handle your child's holiday giving? Because I am lost. I think that up until about (some age) you tell the kid the list of people to whom they should give gifts (which is sort of sadly correlated with "people from whom they can expect gifts" but here we are), and you discuss those people's interest, hobbies, etc., and then you take the kid shopping. Or, even better, you make the kid create something for each person. But this year I left Squire to his own devices and he did nothing for anybody. Whoops.

I think it makes more sense in terms of the "spirit of giving" for him to MAKE something, something personal. For the last couple years I had Squire make the Christmas cards with his own sweet hands, and that was his contribution to the gifties. But this year he didn't want to make the cards himself, and I didn't want to stand over him screaming. He also didn't want to just pick out gifts for me to buy and ship, nor did he want to take credit even when he helped me pick, which I appreciate in a way although it left him sort of stranded. I suggested alternatives (draw a picture? write a letter?) but I feel like, dammit, it's not MY GIFT. In retrospect I think I cut him loose too soon, but I really don't know.

Understand that I am not talking about epic gift giving. I give Christmas gifts to family only, for... well, complicated reasons. Of course also there's the "husband who doesn't do Christmas" element to consider. The man just doesn't. And what I "just doesn't" is pretend to buy individual presents from other people. And why should I nudge a kid when there's an adult in the house modeling the very behavior I'm saying isn't okay? And why isn't it okay? (I know why I think it isn't, and it's to do with "fairness" but really: if some people don't celebrate a holiday, why do they have to give gifts to the people that do celebrate that holiday, right?)...

So I dunno. All gifts this year that went outside our trio came from me, and I signed them as being from the three of us. And now Squire is in minor anguish because he didn't really send anything, and he SHOULD be in anguish, in my opinion, because people sent him things. I like to hope that this anguish will translate into him moving off his butt next year and doing something for the people who do things for him, but... am I supposed to be driving, still? Did I take my hands off the wheel too soon?

Your thoughts?

Comments

[Kathy N]

Naw. They need to figure it out for themselves at some point, if you want it to continue past the years when you can influence them. You are the positive role model for giving. Just verbalize that and why you do it (best you can) and let him grow into how he wants to be. Can't help the dad stuff...I still buy all the gifts for the ex's family, because he won't, but now the kids help me. I don't force the kids into giving, but they get into the mood/spirit/whatever by watching me and helping me and feeling good when they give the gift and get a positive response. If they want to make something, I make sure they have supplies, and if they want to buy, I take them out to buy. I don't push it AT ALL. May take a few years...good luck :-)