i am thinking so hard these last few days that my head actually hurts. look! i will spare you all that with instead a lovely little slice of life story.
yesterday i asked Squire Tuck to do a few things and he agreed; in fact we stopped just shy of spitting in our hands before shaking on it, so heartily did we agree and discuss the rewards and penalties for sticking with the agreement vs. not (respectively). about five minutes after i left the room he told Friar Tuck he was done (uhm, no) and the two of them went to the store.
i was in my lowercase rage by the time they came back, that is to say not a full towering inferno of rage, which i reserve for catching someone in a direct and hurtful-to-me lie, but up there. i know that Squire Tuck felt that what i wanted him to do was not necessary (the list included things like "brush his teeth") and i know that Friar Tuck thinks that since the consequences are on Squire Tuck (dental care being covered, it is Squire Tuck who will suffer from bad dental hygiene) then it's up to Squire Tuck to get stuff done. but. but. but. so they came home and i was all grumbledy grumble grr. and Squire Tuck put his hands on the sides of my face and looked me full in the eye and said, i know you are angry, but i really really think i did what i really have to do, and it's me who takes the punishment if i'm wrong, so you really shouldn't be mad at me when i'm trying to take my own responsibility." then gave me a full hug for about a minute.
and he goes, "now i know that was kind of manipulative in a way because i know it's hard for you to be mad after i give you a hug. but in another way, it made you feel better, right, so is it still manipulative?"