listening to Regina Spector

hey remember that time when I left flowers on his doorstep
hey remember that time when I skipped over every crack
hey remember that time when I only slept 3 hours a day
hey remember that time when

No, nobody remembers that time, so I can reframe it any way I want. It's not like "no witnesses" was my policy; more like my default position. I mean, here's the thing: if you start re-inventing yourself at age 12 and manage to do it consistently every 5 years or so, by the time you're 40 it's like nothing matters anymore because nobody remembers anything. It's like reverse vampires: you grow old and everybody else is young and you have more and more memories and more wrinkles to match and everybody around you is young and idealistic and you feel like you except nobody knows the stories. Remember how you linked arms and sang Gilligan's Island to drown out stupidity. Hey remember that time when they almost got off the island. Nobody remembers that anymore. Nobody remembers that you once wrote letters, nobody remembers what postage stamps look like, nobody remembers how you put your scent on the paper, as a clue.

And nobody remembers who you were except every few years one of them writes to apologize for not treating you better when they were only treating you how you deserved, oh misery are you so sad tonight. Nobody remembers but they remember bad, by which I don't mean badly; remember how it felt when you thought things mattered, oh those were the days. My friend.

Remember when you liked people without wondering if you'd miss them when they died. Remember when you met people for a minute. Remember when watching shit unfold was mysterious, when you couldn't see where the story was going before it started. Remember when you thought it would go on forever.