you are a forest of wonder but when somebody wanders through, you feel hurt if they fail to see every single tree. you who have never bothered to name things scream beech pine fir needles stump! and they say it is nice to be in the forest, with the dappled light and the quiet, it is so peaceful, and your fingers jab at their stupid ears that have missed specific birdsong.
you make dinner and when they eat it they are thinking of your fingers in their mouths, nurture and exploration, and your head explodes because excuse me i have to do the dishes too. you would like to be evaluated for who you are but you get upset if someone fails to notice what you do.
you are made of your actions, each action a playing card carefully balanced to build a house that is structurally sound and visually pleasing, and with your sense of humor you've balanced the jack of hearts against the seven of cups but not everyone is such a connoisseur. another word for connoisseur is snob. you alert them to your pinch of cinnamon and they say mmm and you're angry for the cinnamon not being acknowledged, and they're confounded because what do you want, are they not eating, contentedly rubbing their bellies, catlike stretched to bask in the wonder of being full of things you made that they can't be bothered to name. another word for can't be bothered is lazy.
it is hard to understand that people can be happy without being able to name their happiness but then you cried for three straight hours and couldn't say why so don't get too high on the horse is all i'm saying. it's quite a fall from a horse. more than a tumble in the hay. it is hard to not be pissed at the blind person who doesn't see what a good colorer you are. it is hard to remember that you decided to color inside the lines because it pleases you; it is hard to remember that they are your lines. there are people who draw freehand.
i don't mean you're wrong. for the love of all things sweet don't start crying again. i mean that you don't look at a picasso and say nice use of blue. well, you might say that. other people are saying words like form, fluid movement, abyss of pain. naturally ideally one could say all those things. i mean: there are things that are wrong and there are things that cannot be fixed and you would do well to keep your forest lovely because it's in your nature, to balance the cards because it feels like success, to color within the lines because it pleases you, and to maybe stop talking about art and just look at it. you can spend enough energy keeping control over the things you actually can, make your charts and lists and rationales, stock up on tissues, live through this. but not if you try to blame it on other people.
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