dear DVD that i didn't even watch,
where are you? i went to the store yesterday to get a light romantic comedy because watching back to back episodes of heroes on top of the internal unpleasantness is starting to mess with me. i feel sufficiently craptastic these days without adding to it the fact that i have not saved a cheerleader and i am so totally not on the list, unless bursting into tears over stupid things is a superpower. if i were around someone who bursts into flames, they could say, "the jiggly handle of the frying pan; remember that old christmas commercial; sharing different heartbeats" and i would totally quench them with my salty salty self so there's that.
so that's where you come in, my dearest DVD, my DVD for which (whom?) i actually Put On Pants and Left The House, smiling lumpishly at the lovely girl who works behind the counter there and hoping that i do not smell, as i suspect i do, like rotting old man mouth. i probably do, and she's probably just too nice to even wince. she probably had to do some heavy bulimic gasping once i left, but she held it together while i selected a movie and we were all very proud of me, with the pants and all.
i felt so proud i even went to get cat litter because some portion of the weeping may be the ammonia stinging my eyes, what do i know. and then that propelled me to open the mailbox, which i sort of haven't done in a while, because i thought Look At Me Out And Functioning Woot Go Me except there was nothing in the mailbox except a WATCHTOWER which i briefly noted was in english so that must be who was ringing the doorbell earlier today. i feel a sudden need to switch to second person here, like "you briefly note that the watchtower is in english" because implying to you in a first person narrative that i'm losing my mind is maybe frightening you, my DVD. my mind is perfectly intact, DVD, as evidenced by the fact that i am able to write complete sentences. it's just a little edgy. like the world, like hic sunt dracones.
anyway, so i threw out the watchtower and came home ready to watch some kissing, some wacky misunderstanding, some hijinks, and then some more kissing. dear DVD, where are you? i'm sorry i frightened you but really it's not my way to lose things <cough>wallet</cough>, okay, not my way to lose things often and i can't understand how i managed to lose a DVD i didn't even watch. i blame society. society made me the loser of DVDs that i am. society also found me barehandedly sifting through the bag of recently discarded cat litter looking for a lost DVD that may have accidentally gotten entangled in the previously discarded watchtower, but this story arc will never reach the correct target.
sigh. the dentist didn't answer the phone today. i brushed my teeth and put on my pants again and went to the DVD store and filled out a missing person's report for you. i'm ready to love you baby if you'll just come back. come back before monday and they won't charge me for you, kay? in the meantime i got kiss kiss bang bang. not a replacement, a distraction. murdering the time until you come back.
yrs &c,
anne tuckova
Barehanded through the cat litter? You're a far braver woman than I. I think I would have just paid the fee....or returned the whole bag of litter. =)
Posted by: Monkee | March 20, 2007 at 07:57 PM
And Petr went in bravely after I did, in case I missed it, because he could sense my distress. It was altogether not a fun evening.
Posted by: tuckova | March 20, 2007 at 08:01 PM
I was going to say how that's true love and devotion, but then I realized if it was, he would have gone in first and saved you the hassle. =)
Still pretty good though.
Posted by: Monkee | March 21, 2007 at 03:41 PM